If you are reading this post, then the cat is officially out of the bag…I AM PREGNANT! That’s right, I, Kris, am pregnant with a real life human baby. It moves and breathes and has hair and a heart and everything. At the time of me writing this, I am fourteen weeks along, and I am still freaking out. This is so crazy to me.
It’s crazy because this is something I have always wanted, but never—and I do mean never—thought I would have. Shoot, my doctors didn’t even think this was something I could have, but that’s a story for a different day. Since I was old enough to play mommies with my sisters and friends, I lived with a deeply rooted fear that this would always just be make believe for me.
Last November, when I met Corey and learned he had a son, I didn’t even let myself feel hopeful. I honestly felt jealous of the woman he had Jaxon with and fearful that he wouldn’t want me if I couldn’t provide more children for him. I know that seems pretty heavy and awfully dark, but it is my truth. As time went on and Corey and my relationship grew to a level where he felt comfortable letting me meet Jaxon and eventually be around him more and more, I completely fell in love with both of them. While I very clearly understood (and still do) that Jaxon is not my blood, he was (and is) everything I have ever wanted. Suddenly, this joy didn’t feel like make believe and, while I still feared not being able to conceive, that fear didn’t consume me anymore. If I was never able to carry my own child, it really would be far more than okay.
Fast forward to two pink lines…
Believe me when I say I still struggle to write this. I thought that after three months I would have the words, but there still aren’t any that can justify the level of shock, excitement, gratitude, and absolute fear I felt when I learned I was pregnant. Six sticks later, and I still couldn’t believe it…Well, six sticks, a blood test, and even hearing that hummingbird heartbeat later, I still can’t.
I feel so incredibly blessed to be able to carry a child and to grow this family I have with Corey and Jaxon. I have loved seeing the ways our family has evolved so far. In the short fourteen weeks I have experienced, so much has already changed. I know so many more things will change and I have so much to learn, but here are some of the big lessons I’ve learned so far…
Your real friends will be happy for you first.
While the news that you are expecting a child may be the biggest and most exciting thing to ever happen to you, it might not be for everyone else. Crazy, I know. How could this not be just everything to everyone?
The reality is that people have their own sh*t going on, whether that be good or bad. Some people might be in the middle of planning a wedding or learning that they too are expecting a little bundle of joy. For these people, it may be hard for them to focus on anything but the joyful changes happening in their lives. Others may be dealing with loss or even coming to terms with the fact that they are not where they want to be in their own lives. For these people, your good news may come as a slap in the face to them and be really hard to take. Trust me, I’ve been that friend.
Regardless of circumstances though, the simple fact is that the real ones, your true friends, are going to be happy for you the moment you tell them, no matter what. The sorrow and other joys will come later and will be shared regardless, but not before celebrating your happiness, your little (or big) victory. Also, it isn’t selfish to expect this. If you’re a true friend, you would do just the same.
Your body will change quickly and drastically.
As you can read in any parenting book or app, or as your doctor has probably informed you, from the moment that your egg is fertilized, your body will start changing to adapt for your baby. These internal changes are instantaneous to occur, but may take some time for you to notice. They are happening though.
The early noticeable changes very from woman to woman—from changes in hair (greasy to dry) and the appearance of acne to the swelling of breasts and feeling of fatigue. Some women get them all and some experience not a single one. (I experienced them all, by the way. Yay me.)
Most of these changes are seen from week to week as the baby develops. One of the craziest change I have noticed though occurs daily. I’ve looked it up, and apparently it’s pretty common: the am vs pm belly. Maybe two weeks after I started showing, I noticed my bump was little (and a bit lopsided) when I woke up each morning. By the time I was undressing for my shower before bed though, my bump was big and much more round. As my belly has continued to grow, this cycle has repeated itself each day. The pregnant body is a wild thing!
Comparing yourself will kill your joy.
It really does go without saying, but for any mamas-to-be like me, EVERY PREGNANCY IS DIFFERENT. Truly, this is the case. Although the basic process is the same, each woman’s journey through this process is unique to her. From symptoms to showing, it is all different. Let it be.
I started showing quite early in my pregnancy and immediately started looking up pictures of women as far along as me and texting my friends who had children about how early they started showing. As someone who has always struggled with my body image, seeing my body grow even though I was eating clean, working out, and GROWING A HUMAN INSIDE OF ME was admittedly hard for me to deal with. Then, when I started comparing my belly to others, I felt very ugly and dismayed by mine. This wasn’t just with my belly size, but with all of my symptoms, sonogram pictures, name ideas, everything. The more and more I read and talked to people and compared myself, the more and more I became worried about, saddened by, and dissatisfied with my pregnancy.
This was what I had wanted my entire life.
Finally, with the help of Corey, I took a step back, took a deep breath, wiped my eyes, and realized that when it comes to this, no one else matters. Like, who cares if people don’t like my Baby’s name? I love it and I chose it with love and intent. And what about my appearance? The acne and hair growth are natural hormonal changes, not death threats. Further, my quickly growing belly is a very big reminder that God has answered my prayers and I have a baby growing inside of me. Really though, as long as that little dude is there, forget everyone, I don’t have a single reason to feel anything but joy.
It’s crucial to take it easy.
This point is doubled-meaning.
For the first part, working out and taking the stairs and all of that is still perfectly fine if that’s what you’re used to. Many doctors will even encourage you to continue these things. That being said, it really is important now that you recognize and respect your limits. Now is not the time to decide to try to be a bodybuilder. Plus girl, you already totally are (Get it? because you are building a body inside of you.)
Secondly, and arguably more importantly, take it easy on yourself. Just take care of yourself and refer to my last point. You’re doing great.
It’s okay to not have it all figured out.
Personally, I am a big planner. I like to have everything perfectly figured out in full detail before I start anything. While getting pregnant was definitely something planned for as a whole, I am realizing more and more that not all things can be planned for, nor do all things need to be.
Obviously, it is important to find a doctor you’re comfortable with and plan out your appointments and all that good stuff that helps to ensure the health and safety of your baby. The other stuff though? It’s okay to take it as it comes.
Now, I am in no way saying that your baby’s name or nursery theme are not important, but what I am saying is that they are not worth the stress over. It’s not like they have any crazy early deadline or like you don’t have months to make your decision. The types of bottles or pacifiers your baby takes, if even at all, is seemingly unpredictable. All diapers are pretty close to the same thing, plus leaks are going to happen no matter what. And your baby’s heartbeat is not dependent on whether or not you get a stroller or a harness carrier.
Listen to the advice from others that comes from love, consult your doctor, lean on your support team, and remember in all you have like 280 days. It’s totally okay to go one at a time.